don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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