i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
