either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
