They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
