um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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