I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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