My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
