he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
