I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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