Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night