Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.