Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane