Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
reminds me of losing my job
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in