why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.