I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.