guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The Olympian is in my bed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.