Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain