clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?