Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?