your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.