Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
