VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
