sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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