just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize