Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high people should be assigned attendants
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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