In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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