This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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