rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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