My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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