Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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