so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
