So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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