Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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