Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
there is glitter all over my balls
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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