He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize