So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
