Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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