I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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