I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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