Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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