I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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