i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize