that's an acceptable place to lick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
