K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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