yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
