What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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