You kept trying to hail an ambulance
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
