I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
