My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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