just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
