I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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