Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
