Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize