Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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