Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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