Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
