He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
