Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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