can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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